History of Present Complaint by HLR (she/her)
Published by Close to the Bone Publishing
Review by Joe Haward
5/5
CW: references to mental illness, self harm, suicide, alcohol and drug abuse.
There is a raw power to the personal story, one that cannot be denied nor removed from the person who is sharing. When all is said and done, your story belongs to you, and no-one can take that away from you. Sometimes, in the sharing of our stories, there is a deep connection and resonation with others who hear it, often because it reminds them of their own story. We are, after all, human beings bound together in often unseen ways, the uniqueness of our own self intimately connected to the plurality of collective humanity. From 18th century philosophers like David Hume and Thomas Reid, stretching back to figures like Augustine of Hippo in the 5th century, and beyond, personal testimony has been used throughout history in an attempt to convey a deeper understanding of the Self and the world.
History of Present Complaint, by HLR, follows in that testimonial tradition.
This collection of poetry consists of the thoughts and experiences of a “nameless young woman,” sharing her inner and outer reality after an acute psychotic episode.
“In an attempt to make sense of what happened to you, you spent the weeks after your release compiling a series of handwritten pages documenting your experience of the aforementioned psychotic episode, as well as its aftermath. You also produced retrospective accounts of psychiatric incidents of equal severity and significance that you had endured in previous years.”
HLR’s words eviscerate the reader, pulling them out of any nostalgia or sentimentality that plagues modern discourse surrounding mental illness and psychosis. At every turn she demands your attention, not only that her own story might be heard, but to hear, through this voice, the countless voices of people (especially women and girls) who have suffered within the ‘system’ of mental health care in the United Kingdom, and within a society of misogyny, abuse, and misunderstanding.
The French psychoanalyst, Jacques Lacan, once said that human beings carry around within themselves excess pain, and have no knowledge or idea as to how that pain might be relieved. History of Present Complaint makes no claim as to what healing looks like, rather, it recognises that excess pain, and shines a light upon its existence, no matter how uncomfortable that makes us feel. Within these pages the reader is exposed to trauma, mental illness, abuse, and self-harm. It is the very excess of pain, told with the touch of a master, crafted with a beauty and terror that consumes you, holding you in your own breathlessness.
Someone once said, “What is hidden in the darkness will be brought out into the light.” In the poem, ‘Out of The Mouths of Doctors,’ HLR reveals the abuse, pain, and gaslighting committed against patients by medical professionals and mental health workers. It is devastating to read, yet highlights the despair so many people experience as they search for help, and never find it.
Each and every piece is a lyrical work of art, crafted into a whole that needs to be read as one piece, sharing a story, revealing truth, and giving a voice to the voiceless. HLR, in the blood and sweat and tears, shows us what it looks like to be human, to wrestle with that humanity, bound in skin and bone and consciousness, overwhelmed, exhausted, and entirely authentic.
In History of Present Complaint, HLR gives you everything, leaving you breathless and in awe of what poetry can do. It is a masterful collection, one that stays with you long after the final page is turned.
Follow HLR is on Twitter @HLRwriter and on Linktree here.